Hi! I'm Brittany.
I used to be a perfectionist. I’m still a perfectionist in the healing stages, really.
I used to feel like I had to be the best at everything, especially in terms of physical appearance. When I was in junior high, I developed the idea that I was leagues below every single girl at my school in terms of beauty. My goal was to look “decent” at that time. All I really wanted was to avoid any extra attention due to the physical features I thought were horrifyingly abnormal.
At some point – probably a combination of (unnecessary) weight loss and validating comments from various friends and family members – I realized I was already decent, and so decent turned into pretty.
My distress at wanting to be decent became a yearning to be pretty. I wanted people to like me for my appearance because I didn’t feel as though I had much else to offer. I was quiet, reserved… not outgoing and sociable like the other girls in my grade. I felt things deeply. That was precisely what made me beautiful, though – my beautiful – but I was blind.
A few years later, after getting comments from certain guys and other people about my physical appearance, I finally felt sort of pretty.
And so pretty became perfect.
My life turned into a pursuit of perfection, with the main goal of being the prettiest girl I could possibly be. I wanted people to see me and notice me, because I felt painfully insignificant otherwise.
This progression of goals centered around my physical appearance was nothing but a reflection of my self-worth. The less worth I gave myself, the more I felt the need to compensate with superficial beauty. Once I began working on improving my self-worth, the less I cared about being physically “perfect”.
Somewhere along the way, I picked up the idea that I was everything I needed to be. There was nothing insignificant about me. I’m introverted and sensitive; I enjoy eating delicious things and exercising when I feel like it. I don’t look like anyone else, and I don’t act like anyone else.
And that, my friends, is the exact revelation I want to help lead you to.
As a certified life coach and experiencer of critically low self-esteem, obsessive tendencies, and social anxiety, I’m here to help you through the process of finding out who you truly are and intensely loving who you find.